Class of 2018: Leavers' Poem

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Last week we said a very fond farewell to our Upper Sixth, who leave Bede's for pastures new. Here is a poem written by Mr David Cheshire, our Head of Upper Sixth, who also read it aloud at our recent Leavers' Ball. 


We Will Not Miss

We will not miss your ability to eat three lunches every day, and snack relentlessly, without putting on weight.

We will not miss the cars that are more expensive than ours.

We will not miss the suits that are more expensive than ours.

We will not miss the fruit stains on common room walls, or the digestive biscuits ground into the carpet.

We will not miss the total over-sharing of personal lives – we would prefer, like you, to maintain the illusion that you don’t exist outside school hours.

We will not miss the way you are far too cool to wear seat belts on the bus, or register twice a day, or make a revision timetable.

We will not miss your incomprehensible music, or your unintelligible slang that makes us so feel so old, even if we’re not.

We will not miss work that is handed in three weeks late, but demanded to be marked three minutes later. Neither will we miss your inability to proof-read that work, or at least put your name on the top.

We will not miss the resubmissions, or the re-resubmissions.

We will not miss your commitment to individuality, which extends as far as defying the uniform rules, but not far enough to be able to walk to the toilet by yourselves.

We will not miss the ridiculous tangents in lessons, often caused by questions like ‘Who do you think would win between me and Harry in a fight?’

We will not miss our inability to resist answering such questions: “Well, Harry’s got the superior reach but I think you’d want it more”.

We will not miss questions like ‘When is the deadline?’ and ‘But when is the actual deadline?’ and ‘when is the final deadline?’ and ‘When is the actual final deadline?’

We will not miss the prefect music videos in assembly which pretend to be all about the unsung heroes of the school but which are actually all about the prefects.

We will not miss your superiority complex over the younger years, as if you were any more hard-working, respectful or fragrant-smelling than they are.

We will not miss the shrieking, which at best loosens fillings and at worse causes the dead to rise and walk the earth.

We will not miss first team footballers and sports scholars walking round the cross-country course.

We will not miss the shameless exploitation of ‘drama’ to jump the lunch queue.

We will not miss the self-imposed study leave, followed by the emails asking whether you will “miss anything important”.

We will not miss the whinging: about the food, the uniform, the EPQ, the horrific and endless injustice of it all.

We will not miss any of that.

We will miss you.

Goodbye, and good luck, and thank you.


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